Thursday, February 18, 2010

Victory. Honor. Pride. All These Mean Nothing... If You Don't Have Balls.



I miss a lot of things from my childhood, mostly someone else paying the bills and doing my laundry. I really miss the games we use to play as children, that even though they were painful and alienated others, were perfectly acceptable and fun. My favorite? Dodgeball. Urban Dictionary defines Dodgeball as:

1. A game played most often in middle-school gym class. Usually fun, although often ends up to the social exclusion of nerds, dorks, etc. Can also be very painful to play. Essentially, people throw foam or rubber balls at the people on the other team. If you're hit, you're out,if you catch it, the thrower is out. Usually enjoyed by jocks and athletic people. Nonathletic people, such as myself, always leave the dodge ball field to a stream of boos and "You suck for being a wimp!". It's still damn fun, though. Is currently being banned from many schools.


OWNED!!!

What's not to love? A game that immediately weens out the weaker beings and allows people to be scarred for life and socially awkward? Sign me up! Hitler probably kicked ass at Dodgeball. This game should not be banned; it should be mandatory until graduation. I think we're making society weaker by trying to teach kids that fighting is not okay and that we're all equal. Have you been on Myspace lately? Even the ugliest mofos think they're rockstars and super models. We can't all be awesome people! It's our differences that make society interesting. If I wouldn't have got picked on for being poor growing up, I probably would suck at fighting and I know I wouldn't be near as witty as I am now. And if I wasn't witty, this blog would suck ass and you'd still be bored. Good Lord, the humanity!


THAT'S GOTTA HURT!

Watch as 1200 people set the Guinness World record for the world's largest Dodgeball game:


THERE'S A LOT OF DISAPPOINTMENT

And last but not least, here's Southpark's take on this great American pastime.



Please, write a letter to your Senator if you have to, keep this game alive in school. If you outlaw Dodgeball, then only outlaws will have Dodgeballs. I bet they're really good at Dodgeball in Iran. If our kids don't get the necessary training, the terrorists win. So go take a stand America, and grab life by the balls.

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